Im back!

I havent posted anything since March and a lot has happened. A few weeks before going to new clinic I received a copy of all my notes from old clinic and in this was a letter to my GP advising them that my second IVF attempt had failed and that they were recommending donor eggs for future cycles. I was devastated, this was the first I was hearing about it as I hadnt been for my WTF appointment yet. After many tears and why me's we decided that if this was the only way we would get our baby we would give it a shot. I had the usual worries about donor egg; would I feel like baby was mine, what if it looked exactly like donor and nothing like OH, would we tell everyone and what would we tell any child born, it was all a bit overwhelming. We decided we would talk about it more with our new consultant at new clinic.

We went for this appointment at the end of May and they too advised that donor eggs was the way forward. Our options were going on their waiting list which can take 9 months +, going to a clinic in Spain they work with or use a known donor. We were very keen on the clinic in Spain but this would cost a lot more than we had so would have to have saved a little more. We were put on their waiting list anyway and came away from appointment with all the details re clinic in Spain to have a think about it all.

A few days later we had a few people offering to donote eggs for me. I couldn't believe that people would want to go through all the treatment and egg collection and was very touched by everyone that offered. We had 3 what I am calling serious offers, one from a very good friend (you know who you are and I am so thankful for you thinking of me) one from a family member's girlfriend but I felt she was very young and a friend of my sister who has always wanted to donote eggs and had offered to help me when I first started my treatment a couple years ago. After much thought we decided to go with the friend of my sister, she had finished her family and her hubby had the snip, I felt she was close enough but not too close that she would be in my life afterwards etc. So we met up and talked it all through, just to make sure she knew what she was getting herself into and I contacted clinic soon after to say we had found our donor!

That was at the end of June and she had bloods done to check her AMH level and that she was suitable to donate. Thankfully she was yay! and after some counselling and more bloods we have now started our donor egg cycle. I have only needed Prostap injection to down reg and I am now on Progynova HRT and I have progesterone pessaries for just before and after transfer. Donor also had prostap and has today started her stims eeeekkk.

I was at clinic today for scan to check on lining which is looking good and Im all set to go for transfer. Egg collection is looking to be around 21/10 and transfer 5 days later, so I could be PUPO by the end of the month :)

Having a treatment break

IVF2 was another fail, zero fertilisation yet again. I was gutted, really felt like giving up.

Egg collection this time round was certainly more painful than the first. I woke up towards the end of it and I could feel definite stabbing pains on my left side ouchie. I was also very sore after it and the next day which I never had first time round. When embryologist came to see us before we left and told us only 1 of my 5 eggs was suitable for ICSI I knew then it wasn't going to work. She told me to call them the next day around 10am for fert report but if it wasn't great news they would call me. So the next morning I sat there waiting on the phone call.. and at 9.40 I got it. I didn't even cry, I knew it was coming. My eggs just weren't mature enough was the explanation I got.

After this came Mother's Day... I thought I would be fine. I had arranged to go visit my sister with some flowers for our Mum, her ashes are at her home still. But the tears started when I was getting ready as all I could think about was Mum and my Mother In Law who we also lost last year. Along with 2 failed IVF attempts it has made me realise just what we have been through in 2012 and its really taken it out of me. I need a break.

I received an appointment card yesterday for our review appointment, I think anyway no letter just a pink card with an appointment date on it, its for 24th May! Don't really feel like going to it but I suppose to hear what they have to say will be useful. I have already contacted another clinic and booked in to go see them also at end of May. The consultant there recommended I take DHEA for 3 months so I started that just over 2 weeks ago. We have also booked a little holiday to Majorca in June and hope to start my next cycle after that. So for now we are taking a break and looking forward to our next cycle with a new clinic.

IVF 2 (ICSI)

Its been a few weeks since my last update so here goes :

I got my prostap injection on 4th January and started gonal f injections on 23rd January these ones seem to be a lot more painful than last cycle not really sure why, maybe I am not being as gentle as then and I have some lovely bruises on belly.  I am praying both of my ovaries play ball this time so I can get a decent amount of eggs. This cycle they are doing ICSI due to the lack of fertilisation last time so fingers crossed I will get to transfer.

I am due back at Clinic on Friday 01/02 for a scan & bloods to see if I am ready for Egg Collection and if I am it should go ahead on Monday 04/02 :) back at Nuffield as my clinic's lab is still closed. Im not complaining its very plush and we got treated very well last time.

While I was there for my Prostap the Nurse mentioned that she thought this was an NHS cycle as they had brought all the March appointments forward! I wasnt notified. Anyway she checked with the consultant and it was agreed that I could get this cycle on NHS (I still had one more go anyway) so the other day we got a cheque in to refund our money yay!

Another reason I hadnt updated as much during this cycle is my Mum passed away on 23rd December. It was pretty sudden after a week in hospital. She was diabetic and her blood sugar had gone through the roof and they also thought she had a stroke. She was in a diabetic coma for 5 days and her kidneys started to fail. The consultant told us she wasnt to to get better and gave her days. On the Friday when my sister and I went in to see her she was awake and sitting up, we couldnt believe it. We had one day with her and I am so glad she woke up so she knew we were there and we had a chance to speak with her. The next day she developed an infection in her chest and started deteriorating quickly and we were told it was only a matter of time now. She was starting to get some pain so they gave her some morphine to help and she was also on oxygen. My other sister and aunt came back to the hospital and we stayed with her until she passed away in the early hours of the Sunday peacefully in her sleep.

I did have second thoughts about carrying on with this cycle but as I had already paid (this was when I thought it was still a private cycle) I knew there would be charges for cancelling and I knew my Mum would want me to go ahead with it.


Next update next week when I hopefully have good news re eggs collected an fert report :)